Tuesday, July 19, 2011

So much...so little

I have been in a real funk lately, and I am having a hell of a time shaking it. After much wallowing in self-pity, them kicking my own ass for it, and in depth prayer and Reading I think I might know why. I have so many things I want to do, and because I am so scattered I get none of them done. 
I don't mean housework, home school, kids raising, or my grooming salon, although I often with I had more hours of the day to work on those things as well. I have so many things I want to do. So many creations that are banging around in my head. It's like they are all rushing to the exit at the same time and getting jumbled up, so nothing can really get out.
I want to craft, and have a lot of really great ideas. I am so in love with crochet right now it's ridiculous, and I sit and dream about leading my newly formed Stitch 'n Bitch group to making Prayer shawls, chemo caps, and other charity projects, all the while filling orders in my Etsy shop. The reality is if I get 5 rows of a project done I feel like I accomplished something, and have 0 crochet items in my pitifully empty Etsy shop. 
I like to make jewelry, and I am slowly learning to sew. Again, daydreams of making clothes for the kids and myself, and more Etsy sales, when I actually make maybe 1 project a month or less.
What I really wish and long and pine to do is write. I started this blog to have an outlet to write, even if it's not fiction, which I love. Even here, I have had stops and starts, and weeks with maybe one post. I have a mostly done manuscript, outlines for two other projects, short stories, and a good start on a Pagan parenting book. 
My problem is I can't finish anything. 
When I have the desire to write, I have no time, and months go by without one new word written on any manuscript. When I have some free time, I have 100 other projects I want to do, and crafting in front of the T.V. is much more relaxing than trying to coax writing out of the creative jumble in my head.
So, I am going to try something new, something very anti-Hippie.
I am going to make a plan, a creative plan. I am going to start today, and make a list of the things I want to do, with writing right there at the top. I am going to then put them in priority, and make a schedule for myself to get some crap done! Since I had my oldest daughter, I have taught myself to be a housekeeper, instead of a shovel the place out before company shows up person. I did this with scheduling, which is very against my nature. I have the house broken down into zones, and zones broken into jobs. One zone per day, plus dishes and laundry, and the house is still cluttered, but company ready with maybe a 5 minute "zamboni" to clear things off.
I am going to try to expand this scheduling concept into other parts of my life, and hopefully have as much success. I am hoping to use the blog to make myself accountable for the things I want to do, and hoping that my blog will improve with action, as making this blog something special, and a part of the Pagan online community is pretty high on the priority list.

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