Monday, July 24, 2017

Monday Message- 7/24/17

The Dark Lady
Myk the Myomancer
The Faery Who Was Kissed by the Pixies-Reversed

Deep within you, there are seeds of such unimaginable wonder. They remain there, untouched by the light of the Sun or the nourishment of the loamy Earth. The strange fruit they would become remains a mystery, because you leave them closed up tightly, hermetically sealed within your darkest self. Are you afraid to know, or are you afraid because you know the cost of letting such seeds be sown?

 I feel it is the latter. The hints are all around you, but you lack the tools of the gardener. These tools are the courage to begin, knowing failure and blight are just as likely as lush success, and the patience to be a good and faithful steward to your growth.

Love yourself enough to let the Sun shine into your soul. Spread love around like fertilizer, and watch what springs forth with abandon. That love and light will be returned to you in spades.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Blessings Altar

Bright Blessings!

I am reviving my Thursday Healing List, and hopefully many other aspects of this blog. As I was assembling my new Reiki Grid, I decided to make an outdoor space for the Grid, along with a place to meditate, make offerings, and general gratitude and blessings.

Luckily, I have a lovely little space on the West side of our property. 


It is currently the site of another failed attempt to grow veggies in the High Desert climate of Southern Arizona. The small herb garden, however, is thriving and I will concentrate on growing that area. since they seem to resist the critters and the heat.

Sweet mint, chocolate mint, sage, rosemary, and thyme have so far survived. Because I am obsessed with putting rocks around everything in my garden, that is in process, now that I have decided to shrink the garden down to just the herb patch. I took the cinder blocks from around the veggie bed (aka the Pack Rat Buffet) and made a little altar area.
Then I made my Reiki Grid, and added in some offering bowls and my little oil lamp. I added a chair to sit and do my energy work and meditation. I also plan to add some pavers to the area in front of the shrine to put a yoga mat when I go outside. You can see I can store stuff like lamp oil under and smaller items in the cells of the blocks. I have a Mason jar with the Healing List names tucked in under the grid so they don't get wt in the rain or blow away.


It's a work in progress, but it's a start! I'm pretty pleased with it after just an hour of work, so who knows what it will become as I spend time out there and continue to add to it. Also, since it's right under my window I will see the grid even when I'm not outside in the space, and my intention will direct energy into the grid when I catch a glimpse of it.

If you want a name on the Healing List, please comment below or email me at pheonixfae@gmail.com. You can also comment on Facebook or Twitter






Friday, November 29, 2013

The Tori Douglas

I have been SO busy! I am happy to announce that I am a Winner of National Novel Writing Month. I took a break from everything this month to get it done, but I now have Book II of my Through the Veil series in first draft. The Gossamer Crown is now in the editing phase, after a short mental health break, of course. 

I am devoting my time to really put my work out there. When I published Hole in the Stone I just put it out there in the world and left it at that. I am have learned a lot about Kindle publishing, and hope to put that to work when I launch it's follow up book, The Gossamer Crown. I have a new site, dedicated to my writing aspirations, at The Tori Douglas, where I hope to see you guys in the future.

Between this and writing for and being active in Gaming Mommies, I doubt this blog, as much as I love it, will be getting much attention. 

I would love for you all to follow me to my new endeavors! If not, I will see you here, now and then. Brightest blessings to you all!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Plans in motion



My entire adult life has seemingly been a long line of crisis' strung together. Granted, there have been some amazingly good times hung on that line as well, but I have not once had my shit together. I would like to know what that's like. I feel like we have a plan that is a long-term solution, not an 11th hour fix that might make things worse in the long run. We are not running from a problem, as we have tried and failed to do in the past. We are not hiding. We are actually on the upswing, not in the midst of a catastrophe right now. We could probably continue on as we are right now and be back on an even keel in the next 2 months...until the next issue throws us back into the tempest. Fuck that. For real, I can't do it anymore. The next blow might be the one I don't get up from. We have to find a better way. We have to make a deep change and really live it.

All our life together, we planned and the gods laughed. The Hubs and I had a series of loooong talks, followed by a long, serious, and highly emotional conversation with my parents over the weekend. We are going to start back at zero. We are going to carve down our lives to fit into what we can afford and manage, and we are going to keep it there.

What are our resources?
 We have the Vardo. It needs some serious remodeling to be a permanent residence, like a working bathroom for instance, but it is all work that we have the tools and knowledge to do. Until then, it is structurally livable, as long as we have access to facilities.  

We have a bunch of crap. I will be spending the next few weeks ruthlessly sorting our belongings into keep. pitch, sell. There are, really, very few belongings we have that we can't live without, especially when you factor in cost to store it and the odds of us living somewhere we can use large items like our furniture, in the next several years. Better to sell it and put the funds toward the Vardo. By the weekend I hope to have the 1st of several yard sales and have the bulk of our furniture on Craigslist.

We have a cheap place to park the Vardo. My parents have a 1 acre lot, and have graciously agreed to let us park the Vardo on it. We will have sewer hook-up, electrical hook-up, and much to our kids approval, cable. We will contribute to the utilities, and I will happily cook for the whole extended family. We will be close enough to their house to use their shower, (the Vardo toilet works, and the shower might work but it leaks and we are afraid to do more water damage) and their kitchen when I need an oven. The Hubs has a new job, and the 1st week that asked if he could transfer closer to where my parents live. Even if we move before he is transferred, the company will put him up in Safford during the week, they have several drivers who live in the Sierra Vista area, but stay in Safford during the week to work.

We have a fierce desire to abandon almost everything and build a better life from the ground up. The ultimate goal is to remodel the Vardo, and then build a Tiny House. Both of these projects will be done in small bites, as we can afford it. This is the 2nd part of living within our means. We don't want a mortgage for a house we hope we can still afford down the line. We want to build as we can afford it, and have no overhead once they are complete. Once these are done and fully livable, we will find a piece of land, buy it cash, and park our Tiny Houses on it. When we can afford it. Not when we think we have the budget on paper to afford the payment. That is where we fail, time and again. We now accept this limitation in ourselves and are acting accordingly. 

On a more personal note, I seem to be in better mental health when I am in control of my living space. Even when we were squished in the Vardo, with my Dad ranting from his Alzheimer's and me having to care for him (he is fully incontinent, with a Foley Catheter and adult diapers...think of that in an RV) I was happier there. It was paid for. No one could ever evict us from the Vardo. It was mine to do with as I pleased. No matter what else was happening, that is an unbelievably comforting thought and I missed it the second we went back to renting. 

I always wanted to remodel the Vardo, and that plan completely fell away when we moved. We moved into the rental house in all good faith that it would work, we would buy it down the line and make a home and a life here. We just got sucked up in plans, again. We see what could be in the future, and ignore what we should be doing today. Scaling down and making what we have work for us will let us focus on today. What can we do today, each day, to make our life better. We are committing to no longer live a someday life. Someday we will own this. Someday we will be able to to that. I am 38, someday will never come until I decide today is that someday. 

Today is the day I will begin to sort out my life.

Today is the day I will do something to make the life I want happen.

Today I will plan, but I will also DO!

Today I will make my life better, and no longer wait for XYZ to make it better for me.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Monday Message 8/26/13

The Guardians at the Gate. The Bright Mother, Death

A New life, a new beginning awaits. What must you release to let this new life begin? Do not be afraid, the Mother has her hand upon you. Let it end, it has run it's course, and it's passing makes room for you to pass into this new start!

Monday, August 19, 2013

Monday Message 8\19\13

Letting go is not losing control. Tightly regimented life and mind are a sign of fear, not control, in this instance. Give yourself the freedom to run a little wild and learn something new about yourself from the outcome. Turn right instead of left and always remember each day of your life is a fresh page waiting to be written. Do not copy and paste, write a masterpiece.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

An open letter to the class of 1993

My 20 year High School reunion is today!
Sadly, I cannot attend. I live over 2000 miles away and finances are just now starting to perk up. I am actually more disappointed than I expected to be about not being able to attend. The Hubs and I went to my 10 year, and had a ball. 

My High School years were pretty average, I guess. I don't have a tale of trauma, drama, or, slow-clap-turns-into-thunderous-applause. It was four years of my life. 

Four good years, in which I had fabulous times and made life-long friends. I cried over boys, cried over stupid crap, cried because I was a teenage girl and that's what we do.I had shenanigans, got into some trouble, but was all-in-all a good kid. I was in too many clubs and activities. Band, Show Choir, Latin Club, Drama Club, Prom committee. I dove in to my school with a passion. I had some Honors level classes, and I enjoyed them. I was surprisingly well liked and even popular in certain circles despite being an overweight Band Geek. I had friends in, or was at least friendly with, all the various cliques, and even those few I had beef with at one time or another, the friction seemed to pass quickly and things went back to normal. 

Were those the "Best Years of My Life"? Not really, but they are collectively in the top 10. All I know is I am 2000 miles away, but when I see people from that time on Facebook, or around Elwood when I lived there or have gone back to visit, it makes me smile. I am genuinely glad I know that person and can instantly call up a nice memory of them that makes me smile. 

I hope the same happens to you, class of '93! I hope you see Kyle or Carter playing a song with their bands and get a warm memory of a school dance. I hope you see Tammy. Jennifer, Sarah, or Anne and think of  some Pep Rally. I hope you see Kreg or Amber and think of the Prom. You think of football when you see Paul. Kirk, Chad, John, or Scott. Maybe you see Bob and remember we prayed at graduation, even though we were not supposed to! Remember Kenny marching in the band half-time show in his football uniform and a big old tuba and Juan. Leta, Krystal, Ryan and David with the band at the end of the bleachers during every game playing Go! Fight! Win!? T.K., Danielle, Kristy, Chrissy, Jenny in those god-awful Crimson Suite dresses! Heidi, Aaron, Jerri Lynn, Carrie in a school play. Gary with that fab Sombrero on the Spanish Club float!

I could go on and on. I like to hope you think of something awesome when you see me around or read all the weird stuff I post of Facebook. We had good times, and they are worth remembering! Have a great reunion, Class of 1993, and raise a glass for me and all the others that are only there in spirit.

We are wild! We are free! We are the class of '93!

Merry Meet, Merry Part, and Merry Meet Again...

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