I don't wear a lot of jewelry Most days, it's just my wedding band, the silver Russian wedding ring that I bought myself at 14 and have worn on my middle right finger ever since, and my necklace

My necklace is something that has evolved over time, and I'm sure will continue to do so. It's something my Mom does, and something that has become meaningful to both of us. We each have a long, silver chain, 24-28 inches, and we fill it up with pendants. Like a charm necklace, instead of a bracelet. My Mom's is heavy with charms and pendants, and she can tell you a story about each and every one. The latest edition is a piece of Bisbee turquoise someone gave her out of the blue, which she asked me to wire wrap for her. She has little crosses, charms, and pendants in  jumbled nest, dripping with memories

Mine is not so cool, yet. I have an amethyst, tanzenite, and diamond dragonfly the Hubs got me, and a ladybug and bee for the girls. I am on the lookout for a frog charm for my stepdaughter. I have a silver pendant made from an antique spoon Mom got me at an art fair, and finally, my pentacle. I take it off at night and hang it close to the bed, and every morning when I slip it over my head, I say a prayer or blessing for my day. 

It's a simple act, but very profound to me lately. If nothing else, I started my day in a place of mindful gratitude and blessing, and I am reminded of this when I take it off at night. That's two solid moments of Magick each and every day. If nothing else, it lets me be reminded that I walk with Goddesses.

Taking the Veil

For the last 2-3 years,  have been fascinated with the practice of Veiling or Head Covering for spiritual purposes. I am not a particularly modest, shy, or submissive person, and so thought it was a lovely and meaningful practice, but not for me. I could think of no personal reason to Veil.

Fast forward to now. Nearly every facet of my life needs a positive change. We need to move forward as a family, and I need to move forward in every role I play. Woman, Pagan, Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Provider, I have either failed, turned away from, or ignored them at some point since September. 

We are battling back. My family is strong and loving, we are a tight little nest of love and support, but swirling around us is a tempest of bad decisions that have shattered our 'outward' life. We had to retreat. We are regrouping and rebuilding. We put everything in storage, got released from our lease thanks to the kindness of our landlords, and moved in with my parents. My family of four humans and two dogs is now residing in the two guest bedrooms in my step father's home. It is a good fall back position, we get along great with my parents and they are glad to have us here both for the time with my girls and because they love my cooking. No matter how nice of an arrangement, I am still a 37 year old mother and wife who had to move back in with Mommy. It's tough medicine to take.

At this time, all I can control is myself, and that control has been badly damaged over the past four months. The Hubs just got the official word yesterday that he got a job driving a truck for a copper mine in Eastern Arizona and will start within the next two weeks. The girls and I will stay here while he moves for the new job until we have enough money banked to officially move. It's good to have something to celebrate, to have a plan and a clear way to begin it's execution. Anxiety and depression have taken my confidence and a lot of my self love. I have lost my ability to earn a living and provide for my family in a financial way. This is a blow. Although I have been a SAHM in the past, it was by choice, not because I lost my dream business and all of my grooming tools and was forced back home. This has begun to pass, and I have once again begun to find joy in cooking for my family sewing, crafting,and keeping house. My Mom said the other day she realizes why men love wives because she loves to come home to a clean house and a warm meal!

Add these issues to the fact I am at my heaviest weight outside of pregnancy and have been in a spiritual crisis...I'm just a hot mess.

So now, the Veil. 

Because Hestia placed her hand on me to lead me forward into the next part of my life. Although The Morrigan is still my patron goddess, She feels I need more care than strength at this time and has blessed me with the gift of following Hestia as well. To honor each goddess, I will Veil, by my own choice, until I feel called to stop.

Because I want to be reminded to become self contained. I want to be calm. I want to be confident. I want to be focused. I want to look inward for answers instead of  trying to do what others want or expect or to  buy them. I want to be poised, centered, and a regal woman worthy of my ideal of a Priestess, because I have fallen far from that ideal in my mind.

Because I want to make my body a Temple. I want to be mindful of what I do to and for myself. I want to remember I am beautiful, so much so I must contain it. I am exceptional, and not for public consumption. I will become the woman I have always seen inside myself, a reflection of the goddess.

Because I have been fascinated for the last 2-3 years and have been buying scarves in that time. My heart knew I would be called, just not when or why.

So today I put on my Veil, Blessed Be.

Something about Mary

I've mentioned before that I am in an incredibly rough patch at this point in my life. That being said, I have been trying to find comfort wherever I can. I can barely quiet my mind enough to sleep, let alone meditate for more than a few minutes. I have been tending my altars, and in my prayers and offerings, I have felt called by  a Goddess I would have never expected to reach out to me...Mary

Yes, that Mary.

 I came from a Christian background in my teens, and when I left the Baptist Church, it was not with anger or disdain.  I simply was no longer happy as a Christian in my heart, and when I found Wicca, and then the broader scope of Paganism in general, I simply felt like I was finally home. I always looked on the Christian God as one of the many Gods I know and recognize, and Mary (both the Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalene) as Christian Goddesses. 

Many years ago, when I was in the hospital after hand surgery, a co-worker very respectfully gave me a Rosary and a book about the history of the Rosary. I still have the Rosary today, because prayer is prayer and there was a lot of love in that gift.

So when things went way south a couple months ago, I dug out that Rosary and prayed it. It felt a little weird, so I made my own Morrigan Rosary and reworked the prayers to fit my needs. (I will post on that hopefully next week) Apparently, the contact with my Christian days, once or maybe even twice removed because I had never been Catholic, and had been given the Rosary a few years into my Pagan life was all the invitation that was needed.

That first week after we closed the shop doors and were at the grocery trying to stretch the last of our money into as many cheap meals as possible. I walked away from the cart, and plucked a candle off the shelf. The Virgin of Guadalupe. I have gone through 7 candles now, and have actually made one of the empty jars into an oil lamp because I have no money to buy more.

 I have done some research on her, and one of the aspects that drew me to her, that she represents the Great Mother, has made her a symbol of the Pro-Life and Reproductive Rights battles by the Catholic Church. Regardless of this association, she, as in most cases with Mary, took on the robes and inhabited the sacred sites of the indigenous Goddess, Tonantzin. This is kind of blanket term for Earth Mother Goddesses. The one who caught my eye, not surprisingly, was Cihuacoatl. She is an Aztec Goddess of childbirth, warfare, and crossroads. So, that light is burning, reminding me again that I have warriors and mothers, who are usually one in the same, holding me and helping to remind me that although I am weak now, strength is waiting for me to claim, when I'm ready to claim it.

Prayer to the Morrigan

Blessed Morrigan, whose sacred names are three, I do not pray for strength, for you show me the strength within me. I do not pray for courage, for I follow you willingly into battle. I do not pray for wisdom, for you teach me of the Crone within me. I do not pray for blessings, because I live each day in blessed Magick, following the ways of the wise. I do not pray for prosperity, for I live in gratitude of the abundance which flows through my life. I do not pray for love, for love runs like water to me through my family and friends. I pray to remember these gifts, for in my despair I can lose my way, and lose my awareness that I am a daughter of your ways. I pray to remember that when I look into my image, your face is reflected there, and I can carry any burden because you live within me.
H.W.

Goddess, I pray

O blessed Mother
I see you, radiant in a star-filled sky and know your pale face is looking down upon me. Fill the well within my heart with the gifts you have for me. The wonder of the Maiden, the patience of the Mother, the wisdom of the Crone. Let me always remember you are with me, beside me, and within me, always. She who calls the name of god shall never stand alone, and I feel you beside me now, your hand on my shoulder and your whispered breath in my ear. I call it out now, the names you have had since the beginning of time and names yet to be spoken. I know you, as you have always known me and called out to my soul as a child of your ways, and in that knowledge I am held safe. I am blessed. I am loved. Blessed Be.
H.W.

Goddess Hygeia

"Hygeia, most revered of the blessed ones among mortals, may I dwell with you for what is left of my life, and may you graciously keep company with me: for any joy in wealth or in children or in a king’s godlike rule over men or in the desires which we hunt with the hidden nets of Aphrodite, any other delight or respite from toils that has been revealed by the gods to men, with you, blessed Hygeia, it flourishes and shines in the converse of the Kharites; and without you no man is happy."

You know how Catholics seem to have a saint for everything? One of the great things about being Pagan is that there is a Deity for everything. I am big on prayer. Who better to talk to about your life than the Divine, right? I start the day off blessing the gift of another day, and try to take moments here and there to be thankful, ask for strength or patience or whatever the case. At night I pray in gratitude for my blessings, even if I have to look hard to find those blessings. I see the Divine as a giant jewel, and every facet is a name of god, and every name is needed by someone in the world to call out and know they are heard. I found several articles on this goddess today, and I am glad to have her name to call out while I struggle through this bought of depression. I know in my heart she will hear me, because no one who calls out to god goes unheard. Blessed Be.

H.W.

ENCYCLOPEDIA

HYGIEIA (Hugieia), also called Hygea or Hygia, the goddess of health, and a daughter of Asclepius. (Paus. i. 23. § 5, 31. § 5.) In one of the Orphic hymns (66. 7) she is called the wife of Asclepius; and Proclus makes her a daughter of Eros and Peitho. She was usually worshipped in the same temples with her father, as at Argos, where the two divinities had a celebrated sanctuary (Paus. ii. 23. § 4, iii. 22.§ 9), at Athens (i. 23. § 5, 31, § 5), at Corinth (ii. 4. § 6), at Gortys (viii. 28. § 1), at Sicyon (ii. 11. § 6), at Oropus (i. 34. § 2). At Rome there was a statue of her in the temple of Concordia (Plin. H. N. xxxiv. 19). In works of art, of which a considerable number has come down to our time, she was represented as a virgin dressed in a long robe, with the expression of mildness and kindness, and either alone or grouped with her father and sisters, and either sitting or standing, and leaning on her father. Her ordinary attribute is a serpent, which she is feeding from a cup. Although she is originally the goddess of physical health, she is sometimes conceived as the giver or protectress of mental health, that is, she appears as mens sana, or huliea phrenôn (Aeschyl. Eum. 522), and was thus identified with Athena, surnamed Hygieia. (Paus. i. 23. § 5; comp. Lucian, pro Laps. 5.)

Source: Dictionary of Greek and Roman Biography and Mythology.